Automated Crazy Making
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009Welcome to at&t. I see you are calling from 123-456-7890. Is that correct? Please say Yes or No.
Yes.
Okay. Are you currently an at&t customer? Please say Yes or No.
Yes.
Okay. Now in a few words, state the purpose of your call. You can say things like Add at&t U-verse to my services, Buy a cell phone or Pay my bill.
Change listing.
I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that. You can say things like, Purchase a BLUETOOTH cordless telephone system for everyone in my family, Pimp my iPhone with police radar and access to the Playboy Mansion Funcam or Give at&t my social security number and have them sell it to third party marketers in Latvia.
Just change my listing!
I’m sorry. I thought you said, Purchase at&t’s U-verse for everyone within a 5 mile radius of my home. Is that correct?
Hell no!
I’m sorry. I couldn’t understand you. Please say, Yes, I want to purchase 60 U-verse bundles for my coworkers or No, I only want to purchase 18 U-verse packages and upgrade to 1 million text messages on my iPhone.
NO! NO! NO! I DO NOT WANT TO BUY ANYTHING!
I think you said, Ho Ho Ho, I want to purchase a 12-pak of BlackBerry smartphones for everyone in my social anxiety support group along with updating my cell phone service to include international space station roaming. Is that correct?
No! For fuck’s sake.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble. Let me transfer you to a customer service representative. You will be charged a no-hassle fee of $40, which will appear on next month’s bill for added convenience.