To Client: Hi Don. Yes, I’m here. How can I help you?

To Buddy: I swear, this client is so annoying. Smelly and annoying. Anyway, I got pulled over last night! Shit, hang on.

To Client: The 18-month projections?

To Buddy: So this officer is real cute and I wasn’t looking too bad, tight tank, etc. Ugh! One sec…

To Client: Sure! I can run those number for you. Will end of day be okay?

To Client: Great! Talk to you this afternoon then.

To Client: Sorry, verbose windbag client! So, Officer Jack pulls me over, flirts shamelessly and asks to meet me later! Three hours later and its wham bam ankles to the wall. Best part though? He tore up my ticket! LOL!

To Client: And get this! He invited me to go w/his family on a party boat ride this weekend. Men are too easy but I’m going because he says it’s catered and I’m on a budget.

From Client: BTW, Jack is my stepson so I guess I’ll be seeing you on Sunday.

Suzy can’t see your message because she is offline. 

SIS: That’s terriffic!

MOM: Yeah. I’m going to put it outside under the tree, next to the corn.

SIS: Sounds great.

MOM: I think you should get one for your deck upstairs.

SIS: Oh we’re good, Mom. We’ve got all the wrought iron furniture you gave us…

MOM: You mean all that old crap? This would look so much nicer.

What sets us apart from the competition is that we actually encourage work-place dating.  Our competitive edge is directly related to our team’s full investment in mutual satisfaction at all performance levels. We put the “o” in teamwork and we satisfy our customers too.

A lot of companies say they’re different but look closely and you’ll see–they’re all saying the same thing. Here at Corruptco, we believe the occasional white lie or kickback may be just the boost our clients need to get out of the red and into a Lexus.  If words like “integrity,” “discipline” and “experience” mean anything to you, call somebody else.

Customers are always telling us they appreciate a customer-centric approach. But they won’t find it here. With fantasy football and a host of porn websites we simply don’t have time to put our clients’ needs ahead of our own.

ME: No and it’s really frustrating. There are too many politics. I just want this project to be over.

MOM: Well, just think of something sexual.

ME: I’m sorry, what did you just say?

MOM: Think of something sexual! It’ll make you laugh and loosen things up.

ME: Wow. I feel uncomfortable.

ME: What?

MOM: Well, I was running errands and just around the corner from the pharmacy is a nail place so I went in and got a manicure!

ME: Really? That’s so not you. Have you ever had one before?

MOM: Oh, years ago. My nails look so nice! And since I know where it is now I think I’ll go back and get a pedophile!

And enchanted she was. Lured by advertisers and typo-infested and grammatically incorrect TripAdvisor postings, she succumbed to the promise of blue skies, breathtaking scenery and soothing hot springs.

Sally immersed herself into the springs and immediately felt rejuvenated. The troubles at home seemed light years away and in that moment she could give a rat’s ass if she ever went back. Her fiance? He had bad breath and wore highwater khakis. Her job? It was a go-nowhere meaningless position that bled her soul of any meaning. Those infections? Well, plain old plucking would do from now on.

She was alone. It seemed odd. Such an invigorating attraction but absent of hotel guests, obnoxious RVers and road trippers looking for a rock to pee behind and a free bath.

“I’m just lucky,” Sally thought before plunging into the springs.

When she resurfaced she smelled something out of place. She scanned the landscape and noticed something on the rocks. She swam toward them for a better look and found a plate of enchiladas. They were still hot. The cheese was melting. But where did they come from?

It was 9:30am and she wasn’t hungry. But this was the Land of Enchantment. No matter how fucking random it was for a plate of enchiladas to magically appear on a rock next to some hot springs, the smell was irresistible.

Above: Part of an actual New Mexico tourism ad found in local Texas magazine.

She took a bite. She savored the blend of garlic, onions, cumin, and something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She took another bite and started to feel dizzy. She reclined into the water and floated on her back with a mouth full of enchiladas. She chewed and chewed and swallowed. She felt sleepy and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and exhaled, the heat of the enchiladas billowing into the air.

She never woke up.

New Mexico—Land of Enchantment or killer enchiladas? Don’t let the ads fool you.

MOM: You know..that whole Toyota situation was really interesting. You’d think they would have folded but they really came back tooth and tail.

ME: Doing well, thanks. How about you?

GCG: Oh, I’m alright.

ME: Good.

GCG: You believe me?

ME: Well, sure. Why wouldn’t I?

GCG: Foolish girl.

ME: Wow, okay. I guess the real question is whether it’s better to be a fool or a liar.

MOM: Ohmygosh. When she bends over I can see her hoo hoo!