ME: So how was your weekend?
HER: Oh, good. We went and saw that movie, Shoot ‘Em Up.
ME: Oh, how was it?
HER: Ohhhh, really good. So much fun! Great cast. Clive Owen and that, um, Geo Metry…?
ME: Who?
HER: You know, Geooooo….Metry?
ME: I have no idea who you’re talking about.
HER: Oh, you do, too. The Geo Metry…the guy from the wine movie! C’mon!
ME: Paul Giamatti?! ha ha ha ha ha
HER: Yeah, that’s what I said.
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While watching CNN and talking to mom on the phone
ME: Ohmygawd! They’re saying that the parents are suspects in that little girl’s disappearance in Portugal. How awful!
HER: Oh, yeah. They think the McCanns McKilled her.
ME: McKilled her?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
HER: What? What did I say?
ME: You said they think the “McCanns McKilled her!” Ha ha ha ha ha
HER: Oh I did not. I think you’re hearing things. Anyway, what do you think?
ME: Oh, I don’t know. I guess they McMight have. We’ll just have to McWait and see.
My mother, a very intelligent, master-of-social-work-wielding, retired professional, has a language all her own. My brother-in-law Rob coined it Janeglish–a veritable tossed salad of the letters and words and definitions that make up the more popularly known English language. Given the fact that one of her children has been formally diagnosed with the gift of dyslexia and the other two exhibit subtle symptoms, and that said gift has been found to run in families, we of her brood suspect she holds the key to the door of its origin. But that’s another post for another day. Until then, I invite you to enjoy the unrestrained, no holds barred, creative abandon that is Janeglish–arbitrarily posted, of course.
How vitamin B12 has cured her 75-year-old friend Jo of suspected dementia
That she thinks her friend Clair is only helping an 80-year old neighbor in
order to be included in the will
That she made the sour fruit pie less sour by sprinkling sugar on top
How her former coworker Sheila hasn’t seen a gynecologist in over 20 years
How a woman glared at her for talking during mass
How it got so hot that she had to go inside the house
That the sound in the movie was too low and complaining about it earned
her a free ticket
That she couldn’t find her keys but did find a new blouse at T.J. Maxx for
$7