New Year’s Resolution Quiz
Ever since you told your family how much you loved Happy Feet, you’ve received one penguin-motif gift after another. You resolve to:
a) Open an eBay account and cash in on their thoughtfulness.
b) Tell them how much you drooled over Eyes Wide Shut.
Your performance review contains comments about how much you swear at work. You resolve to:
a) Cut back on the f-bombs. You don’t want to get written up.
b) Tell people to fuck themselves into a deep firey hellhole of doom only when you really mean it.
You feel like your brain is turning numb from watching so much TV. You resolve to:
a) Read some old classics like Hemingway and Mark Twain.
b) Read your neighbor’s mail.
Your front yard looks like an untamed jungle of grass, weed and unruly shrubbery. You resolve to:
a) Hire your nephew to mow it down.
b) Hire your nephew to show you the finer points of growing a hidden cash crop.
You’ve been having trouble sleeping. You resolve to:
a) Take a tip from Tiger and pop an Ambien.
b) Call your mother from bed and ask her about her day.
You find yourself thinking inappropriate thoughts about your handsome father-in-law. You resolve to:
a) Talk to a shrink about your daddy issues.
b) See where it might go. After all, he’s the one with the vacation home in Hawaii.
You haven’t been to confession in over 13 years. You resolve to:
a) Prepare a PowerPoint featuring the highlights of your wrongdoing, set to Chicago’s “Hard to say I’m sorry.”
b) Skip it. Your wife’s brother practically begged you to kiss him after that potluck on Groundhog’s Day. Besides, he might be the one hearing your confession and that would be awkward.